It was just few days back when I was writing about how uncertain our life is and yet how we look around for ways to know what is going to happen in our future. Though not regularly mummy seeks advices of the astrologers especially when things are not going the ways we expected. She has a good faith in two of the astrologers, just a year back she had one particular person she would seek advices to appease the planetary bodies to bring about prosperity in our family now she has one more person who she believes. I remember when I was a child mummy sometimes used to consult an astrologer and we used to be very curious to know what he said. Till date though with no beliefs I like to hear what these astrologers say. Coincidentally few events matched up and her faith has grown. However she herself is not an avid believer in astrology, it’s just once in few years she feels that the planets are not happy and we are not getting what we deserved.
I grew up as an intelligent child with bright academic records. I never stood second in any of my final exams until ten. My academic record remained as bright as it had been and I topped the University in my undergrad. During my school life I had a pressure to meet up the expectation I had been burdened with. There used to be norms what a bright and good student ought to do. There were many do’s and don’ts. These included things like laborious students concentrate more on studies because for sports and other activities they will have the entire life. Literally they became my conviction and I was just a bookworm. I loved singing but when I used to take it seriously I used to think I am a studious students, I should rather focus on my studies. I loved to dance but dancing was activities for students who are not good at studies. I was never into sports because I was unhealthy and weak. But yes I was a good student. Everyone had great hopes from me, in SLC they expected me to top the whole country, one of my aunts had even promised me a surprise gifts. Then once for some reason which I do not remember mummy took our holy birth calendar to the seer. I was so desperate to know what was said for me. The seer had surprises for mummy; he told her that in the process of life my brother will take over me in education, in achievement and in so many things. My brother was never at par in studies and mummy was really pleased with what the seer had said but she was not happy for me. She believed I equally deserved success, fame and money. That thing must have been a serious for me for which I remember that even today. I am quite proud that my brother finally geared up and has a good academic record especially in the undergrad. We both got job without much struggle. Mine is an easy going job while his is quite hard and engaging. In terms of services and facilities his being a private organization is better than mine. The whole family is very happy for him especially after the previous job which was rather treacherous and it had really been difficult for him. Luckily with the grace of god he is now in a better job.
I have not sat down to discuss or compare my job with that of my brother’s but to ponder on an incident that happened today noon. Today being a weekend, I was watching TV with my father while mummy was busy in the kitchen choirs. She came to the room where we were watching TV and she sat on the sofa. I was talking casual things with my father. Mummy looked at me and with a serious aura she said she is worried about me. The aura had something in it that it denied to be ignored, I looked at her without saying a word. She was still looking at me and I asked her why. I had hints of the answer, I thought it was my health, my growing weight, my insomnia, my depression but she didn’t answer. Buwa said she is worried about me because I had a mediocre job with salary that is very less for a prosperous life, she was worried about me because she thought I think too much for others. I am easily disturbed by emotions. Because I am very docile I have less chances of seeking other ways or doing any business to enhance my income. My brother who is more docile than me had quite a good career ahead because of his organization and because of his being stronger in terms of emotions, because of his capability to remain apathetic to things around. Mummy thinks I cannot save money and care too much for others. Not being industrious and creative is an evil today. Though with clear conviction that money is the most important thing most of the time (rarely it is not), at the end of the day I succumb to emotions. I do things for goodwill and for help rather than for monetary benefits.
I have always noticed this dissatisfaction in mummy and she expresses her dissatisfactions in rather unconventional ways like while watching a reality show she says out of no where none of us are famous, non of us win anything. I believe after being raised by her, after living with her after knowing her for all these 26 years, I can read what she really wants to say. This dissatisfaction has never let me down but sometime I feel ‘had I been able to do this or that’.
I believe until I got a job I was a sheer kid. I thought after getting a job I will get a car. It seemed so easy to me to have a car by paying installments. Life seemed so easy to me. While this house was being built, sitting on the terrace I used to look at the road by airport, I used to think when this house will be built when I will have a good job, life will be so prosperous and fulfilling. I planned occasionally I will go to the top of the house on cool evenings and feel good about life, it will be very fulfilling. In the years that passed the house was built, I got a job but I have never gone to the top of the house, in the terrace, feeling content and fulfilled. Forget the car, I haven’t even afforded a bike. Every month I finish my budget before more than a week. Every month I have to muse on expenses which can be cut. Every month one or the other thing has to be done for which there was no provision in my budget. Every month the budget has to be adjusted to include a new demand. Had there been only one additional part time job, life could have been easier but no there isn’t any. On the other hand expectations only rise, demands only get piled up. Its been difficult when still my father runs the home, soon things will change and responsibilities will come upon my head. May be this is what they call growing up, this is what they call the process of getting matured.
As a child I thought when I will grow up, I will do this and that. I will buy this or that. But growing up hasn’t been loading the pocket with more money but adjusting the life with the money I have. With mere Rs.500, I used to pay fare, buy stationeries and still saved few money when student but as a grown up with almost Rs.4000 I have to live in the crunch. This is no dissatisfaction this is just a thought. My friends who were thought to be dummies couldn’t make things here and moved abroad and now they earn more than myself. Ultimately money matters and peace of mind cannot be achieved when adjustments are to be made. Adjustments wouldn’t have been adjustment had they been easy and not painful. With adjustments now and then how can one have a prosperous life. Yes I wonder.
I grew up as an intelligent child with bright academic records. I never stood second in any of my final exams until ten. My academic record remained as bright as it had been and I topped the University in my undergrad. During my school life I had a pressure to meet up the expectation I had been burdened with. There used to be norms what a bright and good student ought to do. There were many do’s and don’ts. These included things like laborious students concentrate more on studies because for sports and other activities they will have the entire life. Literally they became my conviction and I was just a bookworm. I loved singing but when I used to take it seriously I used to think I am a studious students, I should rather focus on my studies. I loved to dance but dancing was activities for students who are not good at studies. I was never into sports because I was unhealthy and weak. But yes I was a good student. Everyone had great hopes from me, in SLC they expected me to top the whole country, one of my aunts had even promised me a surprise gifts. Then once for some reason which I do not remember mummy took our holy birth calendar to the seer. I was so desperate to know what was said for me. The seer had surprises for mummy; he told her that in the process of life my brother will take over me in education, in achievement and in so many things. My brother was never at par in studies and mummy was really pleased with what the seer had said but she was not happy for me. She believed I equally deserved success, fame and money. That thing must have been a serious for me for which I remember that even today. I am quite proud that my brother finally geared up and has a good academic record especially in the undergrad. We both got job without much struggle. Mine is an easy going job while his is quite hard and engaging. In terms of services and facilities his being a private organization is better than mine. The whole family is very happy for him especially after the previous job which was rather treacherous and it had really been difficult for him. Luckily with the grace of god he is now in a better job.
I have not sat down to discuss or compare my job with that of my brother’s but to ponder on an incident that happened today noon. Today being a weekend, I was watching TV with my father while mummy was busy in the kitchen choirs. She came to the room where we were watching TV and she sat on the sofa. I was talking casual things with my father. Mummy looked at me and with a serious aura she said she is worried about me. The aura had something in it that it denied to be ignored, I looked at her without saying a word. She was still looking at me and I asked her why. I had hints of the answer, I thought it was my health, my growing weight, my insomnia, my depression but she didn’t answer. Buwa said she is worried about me because I had a mediocre job with salary that is very less for a prosperous life, she was worried about me because she thought I think too much for others. I am easily disturbed by emotions. Because I am very docile I have less chances of seeking other ways or doing any business to enhance my income. My brother who is more docile than me had quite a good career ahead because of his organization and because of his being stronger in terms of emotions, because of his capability to remain apathetic to things around. Mummy thinks I cannot save money and care too much for others. Not being industrious and creative is an evil today. Though with clear conviction that money is the most important thing most of the time (rarely it is not), at the end of the day I succumb to emotions. I do things for goodwill and for help rather than for monetary benefits.
I have always noticed this dissatisfaction in mummy and she expresses her dissatisfactions in rather unconventional ways like while watching a reality show she says out of no where none of us are famous, non of us win anything. I believe after being raised by her, after living with her after knowing her for all these 26 years, I can read what she really wants to say. This dissatisfaction has never let me down but sometime I feel ‘had I been able to do this or that’.
I believe until I got a job I was a sheer kid. I thought after getting a job I will get a car. It seemed so easy to me to have a car by paying installments. Life seemed so easy to me. While this house was being built, sitting on the terrace I used to look at the road by airport, I used to think when this house will be built when I will have a good job, life will be so prosperous and fulfilling. I planned occasionally I will go to the top of the house on cool evenings and feel good about life, it will be very fulfilling. In the years that passed the house was built, I got a job but I have never gone to the top of the house, in the terrace, feeling content and fulfilled. Forget the car, I haven’t even afforded a bike. Every month I finish my budget before more than a week. Every month I have to muse on expenses which can be cut. Every month one or the other thing has to be done for which there was no provision in my budget. Every month the budget has to be adjusted to include a new demand. Had there been only one additional part time job, life could have been easier but no there isn’t any. On the other hand expectations only rise, demands only get piled up. Its been difficult when still my father runs the home, soon things will change and responsibilities will come upon my head. May be this is what they call growing up, this is what they call the process of getting matured.
As a child I thought when I will grow up, I will do this and that. I will buy this or that. But growing up hasn’t been loading the pocket with more money but adjusting the life with the money I have. With mere Rs.500, I used to pay fare, buy stationeries and still saved few money when student but as a grown up with almost Rs.4000 I have to live in the crunch. This is no dissatisfaction this is just a thought. My friends who were thought to be dummies couldn’t make things here and moved abroad and now they earn more than myself. Ultimately money matters and peace of mind cannot be achieved when adjustments are to be made. Adjustments wouldn’t have been adjustment had they been easy and not painful. With adjustments now and then how can one have a prosperous life. Yes I wonder.
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