Saturday, November 10, 2012
I had a headache, probably the transition of season is to blame. Bibesh had called me since we hadn’t seen each other for a long time. He had also called Sukrat. When we were in college we were best of friends and we remained so for a long time, but as we moved on with our life we had little time for communication. We all lost that energy, had we visited ourselves during our college years our college alter-ego would have called us boring, lifeless losers. I didn’t want to go and I had called home informing I will be on time. I was returning home but I didn’t realize that I had turned to the road that would take me to our junction. I still had nausea and I knew I will only be a listener. I was pissed off with my work, with indecision and extravagance in my office.
When I was on my way to Chitwan I had noticed a banner which yelled “Don’t miss it, only 8 days left. Ensure prosperity in your life. DV lottery 2014 !!!” I had told myself this time I won’t miss it. This would be my first time and this time I really wish I am selected. Just a day after returning from Chitwan, I was filling the form and I placed myself in a hoard of millions of people with clichéd “American Dreams”.
Anyways they were already there in their usual unshaven, loser look, we exchanged smile. A stool was empty indifferent to whoever that would occupy it, man or a mug. They didn’t ask me to sit but I sat down. They were talking and I joined them just like the cup of tea brought by the little daughter of the tea stall. I wondered if the smile that I assumed was for me when I had joined them was really for me or for somebody else. We meet and most of our meetings are as dull as today’s. I asked the girl, I don’t need a tea. Bibesh and Sukrat didn’t notice it, they seemed equally frustrated. They only wanted to spit out the frustration, I would have joined them but the headache held me back.
Bibesh: Few days back I was consoling a colleague that “probably events, results are planned in advance, destiny really exists”. My expressions were reaction to his frustration on the appointment of a person who we have known as one of the biggest morally corrupt person, someone who showed no commitment to work, someone who was a puppet. In tenure of 6 years he had come to office in time not more than 10 days. He never stayed in office full time; there were always meetings for him. Many days he would not come to office yet he was always present in the attendance register; attendance register was always on his table. His style of work opaque, his model of management laissez faire, his ideas obsolete, his leadership non-existent and yet he sat at the top of our heads worshipped by sycophants. Now he has moved on to take a bigger role, to put in track the establishment of new organization. The foundation is laid on weak grounds. For those who know him will probably take his appointment as endorsement of a belief – the country has lost its recognition for people with caliber. On the other note I wonder if the current environment had clipped his wings and perhaps he will be a different man altogether in a different setting. People lined up in a queue to congratulate him but they all knew he had given nothing to the organization, he had abused his authority. In our setting with bigger position accountability becomes lesser and responsibilities drop. But then there were good things about him, he never lost his cool, he listened to his hardest critics with no sign of anger. Few people are courageous enough to shake hands with you with a smile even after you have done nothing less than spitting on his face. He showed no remorse.
In a small café I was sitting sipping a cup of tea that smelled like potash. It has always smelled so in that café but still I go there for the fact that it is close by. Two people were talking how they had gone to meet Mr. Prime Minister for a favor and how he asked them to talk with “vauju” or Sister-in-law (his wife). He said the PM is no more a clean person; he encourages what goes behind his back. He knows everything that is illegal, immoral and outright wrong doings his wife carries out. Previously he ignored it now he supports it. I do not know if what they were talking about was true but everybody talks about it in dreaded tone. She moves people to better position after getting some token of respect. Though there have been no words on the token of respect that the person indicated in the previous paragraph has paid and the chances are little but the rumors are rife that he had the blessing of “vauju”. They say he was summoned to the Office of PM in the morning on the day he was picked up for the coveted position. After his appointment with his head held high he said, truth wins.
The turn of events had frustrated me, I had felt the urge to vomit and the nausea remained for some time. After completing his tenure “successfully” (top position holders are never unsuccessful) he will be back to reign our organization. Rules have been bent to serve the interests of the rule makers or if it doesn’t suit them they will change it.
Bibesh talked without break, usually opinionated Sukrat chose to remain mum, perhaps he had a headache too. His body language was similar to most of the people I see these days, helpless and indifferent. He had spread himself on the chair. If somebody was looking at us from distant they could have assumed a person was talking to two dead bodies.
I had read in a newspaper today that the Vice Chancellor of a reputed University had resigned amid pressure from the political parties. He had a reputation of someone who had been able to keep politics away from university, somebody who would not give up to political pressure.
After almost 20 minutes, Bibesh thought it was now my turn. He asked “ So, how are you, what’s going on.”
I replied “same and usual. I have a headache, I am going home” as I got up.
My exit was as mundane to them as my entry was.
I stopped at a temple on the way and prayed, “God please get me selected for the Green Card.”
Friday, September 21, 2012
If one asked me what was the story all about, I might be confused but I would still say the flick was worth watching, for the impeccable acting of the protagonists. It is simple and probably that makes it appealing. At many scenes the theater would roar in laughter and at others one will hear sobbing of people. The movie does not make any statement as such but it is far away from the hushes and rushes of the modern world where larger than life “hero” takes in charge to make everything perfect and fine. It could be you and me but fortunately (someone might think unfortunately after watching the simplicity of poorly developed brain) most of us are able-bodied. Again the story is around three characters, tender moments of joys holds the audience into the movie and the incidents that happens make you feel sorry for the generous souls. In the first scene of Priyanka when she pronounces “Baaa-r-Fi” with indifference of autistic person she makes her presence felt. Whatever she does is a treat to watch whether its her attempt to sing, her anger when kids laugh at her, at moments when she cautiously holds Ranbir’s little finger. Ranbir’s character is witty and the wittiness has been delivered in action without the help of a single word. His innocent acts to make Priyanka happy definitely make him look better and selfless than most of us. When most of literate, conscious and clever people miss the real love of life, a deaf and dumb character sees it and claims it. Priyanka has never hidden her fondness for Shahrukh Khan and I was fearfully wondering if she tries to do anything similar to the loud, too artificial act of Khan in the movie titled “My name is Khan”. Thanks to the director Anurag Kashyap he has made Priyanka genuinely autistic. Ranbir Kapoor who creates such mess and carries out mischief in the small hill station of Darjeeling finds solace on the belly of his father which he uses as pillow. The movement of his head with the breathing action of his father is well shot and these are the small things in the movie that leaves an impression.
The shots have been brilliantly shot by the maverick director. When the camera catches the ear-ring of Priyanka, her shoes, the way she relates Ranbir’s character with the upward throw of shoes, the knee length undergarment wow what a treat to watch. The way Jhilmil’s (Priyanka) character gets irritated when mud sticks to her shoes are so well acted that you really fall in love with the character. In Bhandarkar’s Fashion one would despise Priyanka’s character when she makes mistakes but her its her mistakes that makes the audience fall in love with her.
Ranbir has a way to go and audience will leave the theatre already waiting for his next release. Ileana D’cruz is the able-bodied protagonist, she fall prey to time because being of sound mind she looks for logics. Her work is commendable, her acting skills are good and we can hope she will get other assignments to prove it further. She is portrayed as a modern, kind girl of her time i.e. late 70s. She is innocent enough to fall in love with a mute character yet chooses what looks rational just to realize rationality does not always bring the most desirable results. He tests of persons honesty and belief is simple yet charming still highly effective, though I won't carry out similar tests on my friend not only because there are no wooden lamp posts to cut but I fear few friends that I have might just leave my hand when the lamp falls. His interpretation is simple, those who leave his hand when the lamp post falls won't stay with him through the thick and thin of his life.
Few things do look contradictory because in one situation Ranbir’s character is shown instructing his friend to write a letter and at another he and his same friend cuts pieces of letters from newspaper to write a letter but the audience can let go of it thinking the character did so, fearing the recognition of the handwriting. The elderly portrayal of Ileana’s character looked unconvincing to me but that is entirely my evaluation yet that is not the fault of Ileana.
One should watch the movie to watch for Kashyap, Priyanka and Ranbir. Unfortunately this is not a movie for those who love genres of action, sci-fi, run off the mill kind of love story. It is just a portrayal of one shade of life with no “masala” no running around the tree songs.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Blurred image of my mother’s face, washed in tears was the only thing that was visible amid white abstract visions. The background was noisy, I could only hear “son the doctor says you can’t be treated here.” I was blinded once again, the shots of anesthesia had left very little consciousness. What came to my mind was the picture of my then 8 months daughter’s laughter. They say one can see picture of god, here I stand as a proof, I saw god. I saw god in my child, in that smiling image, I felt the delicate gouch of the brightest skin, saw a glimpse of life in those sparkling eyes. She extended her hands and in my subconscious I leapt forward and it was dark again. I opened my eyes in an obscure environment, my tears gathered disturbing sounds, noises, I was in another hospital, in the emergency ward. The pain that had made me wish death was not there or probably I was not in a state to realize that. I looked for the image again, I tried to make that image, it was more blurred, I could only make a guess of my god. I could remember what my mother had said earlier “son the doctor says you can’t be treated here”, I thought I was dying or may be I was already dead. When I would try to open my eyes, the bright light from the fluorescent bulb irritated me. So many things ran across my eyes, some of them real perhaps and some of them hallucinations. Yesterday I filed a complaint at my office citing my dissent on the way promotion had been granted a month back. A month had elapsed and the turbulence had torn me apart. Some nights I slept and some nights passed awake. I would woke up with headache, with hopelessness with confidence that was fading everyday. I would look at my daughter’s eyes in apathy. She would leap forward to play with me, I ignored her. The decision to file complaint was not easy, putting my career at stake was not easy, the uneasiness at workplace was predictable. I knew and I had convinced myself that they will leave me to rot in the same position without any increment, without any motivation till uncertainty. With rampant abuse of authority and lack of transparency in the decision making process, I would be tagged as someone who had challenged the unchallengeable management, to bow before their altar. With rules made to be broken to leave room for them to do whatever they want they will try to wring the neck of my career. Then once again in memory I found myself in the subconscious state in the hospital. I remembered what I saw in the reverie. When at the point, when I thought I was dying I didn’t think of anything but my daughter what is there for me is to loose. Death is universal, I skipped it then but I won’t be able to skip it forever. I know if I had to die this very moment I won’t again remember my job, I won’t regret promotion, so what is there to worry about it so much. Then, if I had to remember one thing I could be proud of I would have nothing. The gold medals won, the rewards received, the certificates of appreciation they won’t make me proud then. I remember once I was walking with mum, I was peeling off an orange but a small girl, a beggar extended her hand not much younger than me. I don’t know why but I had a strong urge to give that orange to that girl and I just gave the orange to the little child. She took away with a fulfilling expression. I was probably not even 10 at that time. That was only moment in my entire life of which I can feel proud. At the age of 30 I have just one moment of pride, one moment of glory, what a waste of life. In the life once lived there is just a single incidence of glory, what a pity? I suffered in indecision, should I fight against what I think of as injustice. No, at the death bed I do not think of job and what is there to regret even if I loose it, at least I will add another incidence of glory. The result is not important but what is important is the fact that I fought for what I think is right. The notion of right or wrong is just interpretation, what I interpret as right can be interpreted as wrong by another. Sticking to an idea despite knowing it is wrong is a bad idea but sticking to it with belief that you are right is courage, for this I have decided I will fight.