“To see people, things and places in its natural state is always blissful. We do not pluck a flower just because it is beautiful, we do not interfere plays of children because we enjoy watching it, and we do not hinder the flow of river because the sound is musical. “
Last month I got to chat with a batch-mate I had never thought I will soulfully talk with. Since unexpected things cannot be ruled out life becomes interesting. After the first good chat with her, I had jotted few lines that centered around my college years. When I got to talk with her the next time, I told her since our chat had surprised me, I had written few lines and was thinking about posting it in a blog. I had not thought she would be interested but she surprised me by asking when I will post that. My answer was tomorrow. At office one is usually in a different state of mind and I forgot and in between my computer crashed and I lost it. Today she initiated the chat with hi and after few casual lines she inquired if I had published it. I don’t know what urged me to say, I have misplaced it and couldn’t just get it. Why couldn’t I say I have lost it was something that really surprised myself. Here I sit to recollect what I had written and recollecting is something I am not apt at.
I do not think I am scary but many people have found me scary. I have this strict looking face and the glass that compliment my sight make me look more serious. I have paid enough for excelling in studies by making an impression of a dull geek. I scared her right from the beginning and she never told me what about I was so scary. She will be mute if I tried to participate in their fun. Though naughty and playful among friends she behaved as if she was the most serious student in our batch. I didn’t know about this till my cousin told me about this. It was clear that she avoided talking with me and for that matter avoided my presence. Whenever we happened to talk she would talk like an obedient student reporting her home works to her strict principal. We had to pick bus for our college from the same place and usually four of us used to be together me, my cousin, my brother and her. When we discussed and talked about so many things that a normal college students discuss, she would behave as if she does not even know us. We studied in the same class and being a class of very few students it was closely knit though most of us had our own group, in spite of this I do not remember a single incident when we talked two lines. Everyone knew she was the most mischievous student among girls.
I have no memories of early days but once while in library I was trying to solve a math’s problem on the request of other girls. I was striking the problem with everything I had but just couldn’t break it. Then she emerged with an intelligent solution leaving an impression on me ‘I know more than giggling and playing pranks’. Those being very early days, I had formed no opinions on anyone but now I had formed an opinion on one. I have always been lazy. Doing math’s exercises was something I loved to postpone while she was the one who would have her lessons and exercises intact. She was becoming interesting and I had learnt about her fears about me. There was no way that I will jump to her and see ‘See lady I am not scary’ and never tried to convince her I was not scary. I didn’t need that.
She had many important aspects in her personality that I had never seen in any girls I had known. She was sharp, straight forward and unlike other girls who take interest in others life more than there own, she was carefree. Unlike any other girl she had this impressive confidence. Sometimes we used to have presentations in our class while most of us stammered and nervous stricken she would address the class with exceptional confidence. Her face not laced in any form of emotion had the power to hold everyone to her words. During exams when most of us would be desperate and nervous she was a game for it. When we checked our answers after exam she had expression ‘past is past guys’. I always held her stronger than myself. She had this power to suppress and control her emotions. Had I not been able to chat with her and know her a little closely I would have thought she is carefree and emotion less. I learnt its her amazing ability to rein her emotions and cope with the situation. She shows no desperation just the same aura.
Her roots are grounded to India and that she cannot hide at least in her accent. My cousin loved the way she spoke. Use of hindi words only added to sweetness of her speech. There was nothing showy and artificial in her personality. Sometime I used to think is she a Dagny Taggart (a character from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged) but she was not. In spite of all these things she was not a career woman. One thing is true that women like her make a better Manager and executive than others. To be Dagny she had to have vision which she didn’t have. College to her in her own words was just friends and she has no idea what will she do in future. Otherwise she is a perfect mover of the world.
In those four years if any one was consistent on his/her behavior and attitude that must be her. A naughty child in behavior; yet mature in life, that was how I perceived her.
With the passage of time, we unfolded among friends and classmates. Equations changed and so did preferences. Our understanding of one another was changing but I was still a scary monster before her. I still held that evil power to bring her exuberance to fear. Till my cousin was with us, even without choice we had to travel together and she had to suffer my presence. Knowing her deliberation I held myself from talking to her and in attempts to not scare I talked to her in a serious tone, these futile attempts were only making me creepier.
When my cousin went abroad, no situations came when we had to face each other and I thought it will be wise to never haunt her again. I literally cut myself off from their group. One thing however always made me feel unpleasant, for three years we (including her and another girl of her group) returned home together and we came to college together. Just after Anjana went we began to act like strangers. There can be no more horrific face of formality like this.
It was final year project and I was teamed with other two girls, rest of the girls made their own team. Though sharp in theoretical subject, she never found programming interesting. She hated to write code and hence was poor at programming. When most of the teams had started project theirs was still fighting with confusions. Eventually they broke the team and decided to join other team. As my team had room for one member I knew who will join us. She again shocked me when she joined my team. I remember during the first semester project their project was in complete mesh just before the day of presentation. They had achieved nothing and she won’t seek my help. Anjana volunteered to ask me if I can do anything. I remember I had worked till 3:00 in the morning to complete their project. I mock upon myself when I think someone was so afraid of me. At home not even my dog obeys me while in college there is my class mate who finds me eerie.
It would be false to say that I didn’t try to soothe the whole thing. I talked with her like I talk with any other friend, I tried to sound funny because it was not acceptable for me to be so. I am no monster!!! Today I feel really good that at last moment I have convinced her that I am normal and I have no blood thirsty tusks and sharp horns. I finally made her use the adjective that fits me best ‘weirdo’. I feel as if I have been relieved from a burden. I hope we will be good friends now.
Last month I got to chat with a batch-mate I had never thought I will soulfully talk with. Since unexpected things cannot be ruled out life becomes interesting. After the first good chat with her, I had jotted few lines that centered around my college years. When I got to talk with her the next time, I told her since our chat had surprised me, I had written few lines and was thinking about posting it in a blog. I had not thought she would be interested but she surprised me by asking when I will post that. My answer was tomorrow. At office one is usually in a different state of mind and I forgot and in between my computer crashed and I lost it. Today she initiated the chat with hi and after few casual lines she inquired if I had published it. I don’t know what urged me to say, I have misplaced it and couldn’t just get it. Why couldn’t I say I have lost it was something that really surprised myself. Here I sit to recollect what I had written and recollecting is something I am not apt at.
I do not think I am scary but many people have found me scary. I have this strict looking face and the glass that compliment my sight make me look more serious. I have paid enough for excelling in studies by making an impression of a dull geek. I scared her right from the beginning and she never told me what about I was so scary. She will be mute if I tried to participate in their fun. Though naughty and playful among friends she behaved as if she was the most serious student in our batch. I didn’t know about this till my cousin told me about this. It was clear that she avoided talking with me and for that matter avoided my presence. Whenever we happened to talk she would talk like an obedient student reporting her home works to her strict principal. We had to pick bus for our college from the same place and usually four of us used to be together me, my cousin, my brother and her. When we discussed and talked about so many things that a normal college students discuss, she would behave as if she does not even know us. We studied in the same class and being a class of very few students it was closely knit though most of us had our own group, in spite of this I do not remember a single incident when we talked two lines. Everyone knew she was the most mischievous student among girls.
I have no memories of early days but once while in library I was trying to solve a math’s problem on the request of other girls. I was striking the problem with everything I had but just couldn’t break it. Then she emerged with an intelligent solution leaving an impression on me ‘I know more than giggling and playing pranks’. Those being very early days, I had formed no opinions on anyone but now I had formed an opinion on one. I have always been lazy. Doing math’s exercises was something I loved to postpone while she was the one who would have her lessons and exercises intact. She was becoming interesting and I had learnt about her fears about me. There was no way that I will jump to her and see ‘See lady I am not scary’ and never tried to convince her I was not scary. I didn’t need that.
She had many important aspects in her personality that I had never seen in any girls I had known. She was sharp, straight forward and unlike other girls who take interest in others life more than there own, she was carefree. Unlike any other girl she had this impressive confidence. Sometimes we used to have presentations in our class while most of us stammered and nervous stricken she would address the class with exceptional confidence. Her face not laced in any form of emotion had the power to hold everyone to her words. During exams when most of us would be desperate and nervous she was a game for it. When we checked our answers after exam she had expression ‘past is past guys’. I always held her stronger than myself. She had this power to suppress and control her emotions. Had I not been able to chat with her and know her a little closely I would have thought she is carefree and emotion less. I learnt its her amazing ability to rein her emotions and cope with the situation. She shows no desperation just the same aura.
Her roots are grounded to India and that she cannot hide at least in her accent. My cousin loved the way she spoke. Use of hindi words only added to sweetness of her speech. There was nothing showy and artificial in her personality. Sometime I used to think is she a Dagny Taggart (a character from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged) but she was not. In spite of all these things she was not a career woman. One thing is true that women like her make a better Manager and executive than others. To be Dagny she had to have vision which she didn’t have. College to her in her own words was just friends and she has no idea what will she do in future. Otherwise she is a perfect mover of the world.
In those four years if any one was consistent on his/her behavior and attitude that must be her. A naughty child in behavior; yet mature in life, that was how I perceived her.
With the passage of time, we unfolded among friends and classmates. Equations changed and so did preferences. Our understanding of one another was changing but I was still a scary monster before her. I still held that evil power to bring her exuberance to fear. Till my cousin was with us, even without choice we had to travel together and she had to suffer my presence. Knowing her deliberation I held myself from talking to her and in attempts to not scare I talked to her in a serious tone, these futile attempts were only making me creepier.
When my cousin went abroad, no situations came when we had to face each other and I thought it will be wise to never haunt her again. I literally cut myself off from their group. One thing however always made me feel unpleasant, for three years we (including her and another girl of her group) returned home together and we came to college together. Just after Anjana went we began to act like strangers. There can be no more horrific face of formality like this.
It was final year project and I was teamed with other two girls, rest of the girls made their own team. Though sharp in theoretical subject, she never found programming interesting. She hated to write code and hence was poor at programming. When most of the teams had started project theirs was still fighting with confusions. Eventually they broke the team and decided to join other team. As my team had room for one member I knew who will join us. She again shocked me when she joined my team. I remember during the first semester project their project was in complete mesh just before the day of presentation. They had achieved nothing and she won’t seek my help. Anjana volunteered to ask me if I can do anything. I remember I had worked till 3:00 in the morning to complete their project. I mock upon myself when I think someone was so afraid of me. At home not even my dog obeys me while in college there is my class mate who finds me eerie.
It would be false to say that I didn’t try to soothe the whole thing. I talked with her like I talk with any other friend, I tried to sound funny because it was not acceptable for me to be so. I am no monster!!! Today I feel really good that at last moment I have convinced her that I am normal and I have no blood thirsty tusks and sharp horns. I finally made her use the adjective that fits me best ‘weirdo’. I feel as if I have been relieved from a burden. I hope we will be good friends now.
4 comments:
OMG!! it's NITU... she is so lovable and innocent, as well.
hey sandip,
scribbling in such an fascinating way is only possible by one man whom i know n his is our genius n humble guy "SANDIP" who without any hatred n self-interest hepled me during my bachalers n i ll always be grtful to him.
oow..Sandip dai....u've explained her so well...so well spotted..honestly she used to b exactly the same way u've described..U reminded me of those days...want it back...
Oye sandy is it an emotional outpouring of a sentimental fool or a friend's perfect portrayal?
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