Friends,farewell and memories

Yesterday’s Saturday was quite an event. In spite of the mist of uncertainty we had a small get together of few friends. After getting out of the college two years back, there was no formal event when we had gathered to sit to bring the old days back to life. Bringing back the college days back to life does not mean we should sit and remember what we had done, how were those days. This is however a way in itself, but just a small gathering of faces that have been lost in the hastiness of life and in the struggle to seek an identity that is different from that of a student, can itself bring those old days to life. We did not sit to look back those events bringing the moments that from the mysterious dark into the flashes of today; neither did we try to formally miss the friends that couldn’t make it there due to several reasons. Even then the gathering itself was capable of simmering nostalgia. The other reason being to bid bye to three friends who will move on in their life to seek a destination of their own. We again did not make it a farewell gathering that will remind us of the crunching number of friends in the city. When we started our undergraduate degree we were almost thirty in numbers. When we were in the last semester there were around twenty seven and when we had gathered there we were less than fifteen presently in the country while only seven of us could make it to the gathering. Pushing the responsibilities, work and the chaos behind we were just jubilant students there with no care to the world yet with the desire to conquer it. In spite of a different truth we were exuberant about life. If next time we plan to sit we will have three people less, yes our presence is reducing. While two among us will fly abroad to pursue higher studies one will be married to India. Though we will have constant touch with the former two, yesterdays’ meeting with the latter could be the last one and we will miss her, miss her mischief, miss her accent, miss her contagious laughter when we will drown in the nostalgia of our college days. Those flying abroad will come back may be just only on vacation but we will be able to meet them and someday a similar day as yesterday could be arranged but I doubt if the three girls will be able to make it. We tend to expect what we think is most likely to happen; probably this was too early to sit back and remember the moments that escaped into the womb of unforgiving time, indifferent time. The fact is still there in the quest for survival, in the shackles of our own responsibilities we might not get bountiful of time to look back into the memories, but even if we managed to remember them once we will miss those faces, would loose ourselves in assumption how would they be doing, where would they be and how would they look. If we are old enough we might drop tears out of compassion even if not a bleak smile will compliment our aura. In my college years I never got close to any girls, this was not a conscious act, it just happened. With boys my relation was same to all and I never belonged to any group which we had in our class. Not belonging to a group can sometime be painful specially when there are events, in the break, in any other programs while most of the batch-mates will be busy with their own group, I had to behave as if I were an outcast. I would never fit in to any groups, especially in the earlier days when I was a recluse. Though I could mix up well with few class mates very well, I never thought I will ever miss the college days. I had my own reservations against coming closer to any class mates. I must have been happy with few friends I had. In fact I had only two friends, apart from them I was alien to most of others. I was tagged arrogant, aloof and an introvert; I never tried to break this image, I never cared to. Even when I was all of sudden a funny creature it was never a conscious decision.
Seriously, I never thought I would miss faces from my class. I never in my dreams imagined that I would like to be in touch with many of them even after the college. I never doubted I will ever write something like this in my entire life. Today as I write this, just the feeling of the fact that I will probably never see few faces my entire life is making my heart feel cold.
Actually I have always been very sensitive to departure and once I told a friend that I must have lost someone in my previous life (I don’t think I believe in previous life) who I loved the most and my life must have gone out of track because of that, so even in this life departures chills me to bone. They actually do. I have always treasured memories and whenever someone passes into memories they become special in their own way. Either you love them too much or you hate them to extreme. I might take days to find a one particular person who I hate but there are innumerous names and faces I love. I have always had friends who were very close and very special but they have come and they have left with no thinnest string of connection between us. In my higher secondary I regarded few friends as friends for life but they slipped away just like dry sand slips away from fist. Time acted like a whiff that blew away that sand, they blew them far away to their deserts I might never navigate, even if I do they will be different altogether. The number of friends has grown from two to higher and I know most of them are friends for life now. Even then I will miss those who had gathered yesterday. One day or other there will be only memories left, communication will reduce and eventually it will lose with most of them though not will all of them. If anything will be there then it will be memories, sweet memories.