Who wants to fall into the pit? Who wants to get dirty? I don’t want, nor anyone who I know but I have this feeling that I have fallen into a gutter, too dirty to acknowledge. Aftermath, I wonder if I fell voluntarily or if I was pushed over the edge.
Jumping like a calf over the top of Sarangkot in Pokhara, I had not any faintest of idea that disturbances were awaiting my return. To my amazement everyone I met in my office asked me if I enjoyed. I haven’t been someone popular who have talk with everyone. In my office I am still stranger to many colleagues and to have very small number of people I exchange pleasantries, but all of a sudden everyone’s interest in my tour made me feel important at first. Then a colleague of mine commented that the whole office seemed to know I had been to Pokhara and everyone he met asked about me. I later learned someone had been spreading rumor that being a close ally to my boss I was sent on vacation. I did get an idea who could have done that. I was really let down but in these cases there is nothing one can do.
Before leaving for Pokhara, I had forgotten to sign myself on the office register so I was marked as absent. Being a normal case I sought for my boss (Department Chief) who was not available and the other day I forgot the matter. Same case repeated again and by sheer carelessness and foolishness I forgot to report the matter. In these cases staffs have to write an application to the department chief who then requests the Human Resource Department to mark the staff as present. The day before going to Pokhara, I wanted to write the application but again there was no one to make recommendation, so on the day when I was supposed to leave for Pokhara, I wrote an application got it recommended from my immediate boss and looked for my boss who had not come to office and I handed the application to the Peon asking him to get it signed from the Department Head.
I went to Pokhara and I had thought my tour to be successful and fulfilling. On the day I returned, my boss asked me why I had been so late in submitting the application. I could have told him the whole story but it seemed unnecessary and I said I had been really careless about that. After all it was my mistake and it was an obvious case of carelessness. However these cases get repeated in all departments and in ours case its too frequent. Again this was the first time this year I had committed the mistake. While I was looking for a document in my boss’s P.A.’s computer I located the application file I wanted. Since I had missed to sign twice, I thought I had to make two application. The application file I found, was an application a colleague of mine had prepared on a same case and he too had missed to sign for two days. He had clarified the whole thing in a single document and so I just replaced his name with mine and made changes in the date. I got that application printed and gave it to the peon. When my boss complained such mistakes are usually taken in wrong sense by the people in HRD, I acknowledged it promising him not to repeat the mistake. I had assumed he would approve my application.
My head swing as I was returned the application with only one day approved. It meant I would be marked absent on a day when I had come to office and worked. I would have taken that as a normal case had there been strict rules for everyone and had other colleagues of mine been slapped with similar consequences. The very department that turns blind for staffs who shun office for whole day just after signing the register. Same department has no rules to be enforced for staffs who return to office after lunch, no rules for staffs staying away from office for hours in the name of tea. Being considerate is different from encouraging indiscipline. If discipline has to be enforced, it should be enforced to everyone.
I don’t remember the last time I had been so furious. I was helping a staff prepare audit report when I was handed the application form. I tried to concentrate on work but my ears were ringing and I had to ask the staff to come to me next day. I sat still a while thinking what can be done and what should be done. But when anger takes its toll upon mind, sanity and the power to make proper decision get lost. I tried to return the application back to my boss telling I don’t need approval even for one day. If forgetting to sign the attendance register once is unpardonable mistake its nature and serious remains same for any other days. But I was destined to know a part of me that had been hidden or I had deliberately hidden. I thought I knew what I had to do. I went to the representative of a union without caring the orientation of the union (political, general), I would have joined any other union had I met its representative first. I asked him to get me a membership form who was himself so surprised to hear that. He asked me what had happened and I told him everything. He said he would get my application approved for both days without any consequences. Had I cared for consequences I would have never come to him but then came my ego which said I should not get the application approved. He talked me about political convictions which I would just ignore, it would have been vaporized by my anger. He got me a form later which I filled however since executives are not allowed to get enrolled to union I could only give them moral support, I became ready even for that. I filled the form to give moral support to the union.
Later another much influential member from the union came to me. Without knowing anything he said he was glad that I joined his union but then what he told next made me realize I was inside the gutter. He said, his union would always be ready to push my points, they would help me get promoted when opportunities come. I would have spit on my own face had it been possible. If I had compromised, the compromise was for survival, but the compromise had been too costly. Had I not already handed the form I would have torn it right away but as the saying goes ‘living in jungle you cannot afford enmity with the lion’. I had never felt so weak. I only said I hope I won’t need their help when it comes to getting promotion. My desire to win genuinely has not yet stooped even by an inch.
I do not think my getting angry on whatever happened over the missing attendance was very wrong. I do accept I did a mistake but there is a provision in the office rules itself for that. Unfortunately I had already wasted one leave just a month ago and I could not afford that. If correction and action were needed why more serious offenders be spared. Everyone says my boss is more considerate toward me, I don’t want that consideration if I am chosen to teach lessons to other. As far as union is concerned, I know how to deal with it, just ignore them, ignore their invitations, ignore their programs.
The other day when I was going to office, I was seriously thinking about preparing for GRE, its not for the missing attendance but its for the offer of ‘help for promoting my career’ and its for the confidence with which I was told not a single person in the office had risen to higher levels without one or other helping hands. I do not smell of a gutter but I know I stink of gutter.
Jumping like a calf over the top of Sarangkot in Pokhara, I had not any faintest of idea that disturbances were awaiting my return. To my amazement everyone I met in my office asked me if I enjoyed. I haven’t been someone popular who have talk with everyone. In my office I am still stranger to many colleagues and to have very small number of people I exchange pleasantries, but all of a sudden everyone’s interest in my tour made me feel important at first. Then a colleague of mine commented that the whole office seemed to know I had been to Pokhara and everyone he met asked about me. I later learned someone had been spreading rumor that being a close ally to my boss I was sent on vacation. I did get an idea who could have done that. I was really let down but in these cases there is nothing one can do.
Before leaving for Pokhara, I had forgotten to sign myself on the office register so I was marked as absent. Being a normal case I sought for my boss (Department Chief) who was not available and the other day I forgot the matter. Same case repeated again and by sheer carelessness and foolishness I forgot to report the matter. In these cases staffs have to write an application to the department chief who then requests the Human Resource Department to mark the staff as present. The day before going to Pokhara, I wanted to write the application but again there was no one to make recommendation, so on the day when I was supposed to leave for Pokhara, I wrote an application got it recommended from my immediate boss and looked for my boss who had not come to office and I handed the application to the Peon asking him to get it signed from the Department Head.
I went to Pokhara and I had thought my tour to be successful and fulfilling. On the day I returned, my boss asked me why I had been so late in submitting the application. I could have told him the whole story but it seemed unnecessary and I said I had been really careless about that. After all it was my mistake and it was an obvious case of carelessness. However these cases get repeated in all departments and in ours case its too frequent. Again this was the first time this year I had committed the mistake. While I was looking for a document in my boss’s P.A.’s computer I located the application file I wanted. Since I had missed to sign twice, I thought I had to make two application. The application file I found, was an application a colleague of mine had prepared on a same case and he too had missed to sign for two days. He had clarified the whole thing in a single document and so I just replaced his name with mine and made changes in the date. I got that application printed and gave it to the peon. When my boss complained such mistakes are usually taken in wrong sense by the people in HRD, I acknowledged it promising him not to repeat the mistake. I had assumed he would approve my application.
My head swing as I was returned the application with only one day approved. It meant I would be marked absent on a day when I had come to office and worked. I would have taken that as a normal case had there been strict rules for everyone and had other colleagues of mine been slapped with similar consequences. The very department that turns blind for staffs who shun office for whole day just after signing the register. Same department has no rules to be enforced for staffs who return to office after lunch, no rules for staffs staying away from office for hours in the name of tea. Being considerate is different from encouraging indiscipline. If discipline has to be enforced, it should be enforced to everyone.
I don’t remember the last time I had been so furious. I was helping a staff prepare audit report when I was handed the application form. I tried to concentrate on work but my ears were ringing and I had to ask the staff to come to me next day. I sat still a while thinking what can be done and what should be done. But when anger takes its toll upon mind, sanity and the power to make proper decision get lost. I tried to return the application back to my boss telling I don’t need approval even for one day. If forgetting to sign the attendance register once is unpardonable mistake its nature and serious remains same for any other days. But I was destined to know a part of me that had been hidden or I had deliberately hidden. I thought I knew what I had to do. I went to the representative of a union without caring the orientation of the union (political, general), I would have joined any other union had I met its representative first. I asked him to get me a membership form who was himself so surprised to hear that. He asked me what had happened and I told him everything. He said he would get my application approved for both days without any consequences. Had I cared for consequences I would have never come to him but then came my ego which said I should not get the application approved. He talked me about political convictions which I would just ignore, it would have been vaporized by my anger. He got me a form later which I filled however since executives are not allowed to get enrolled to union I could only give them moral support, I became ready even for that. I filled the form to give moral support to the union.
Later another much influential member from the union came to me. Without knowing anything he said he was glad that I joined his union but then what he told next made me realize I was inside the gutter. He said, his union would always be ready to push my points, they would help me get promoted when opportunities come. I would have spit on my own face had it been possible. If I had compromised, the compromise was for survival, but the compromise had been too costly. Had I not already handed the form I would have torn it right away but as the saying goes ‘living in jungle you cannot afford enmity with the lion’. I had never felt so weak. I only said I hope I won’t need their help when it comes to getting promotion. My desire to win genuinely has not yet stooped even by an inch.
I do not think my getting angry on whatever happened over the missing attendance was very wrong. I do accept I did a mistake but there is a provision in the office rules itself for that. Unfortunately I had already wasted one leave just a month ago and I could not afford that. If correction and action were needed why more serious offenders be spared. Everyone says my boss is more considerate toward me, I don’t want that consideration if I am chosen to teach lessons to other. As far as union is concerned, I know how to deal with it, just ignore them, ignore their invitations, ignore their programs.
The other day when I was going to office, I was seriously thinking about preparing for GRE, its not for the missing attendance but its for the offer of ‘help for promoting my career’ and its for the confidence with which I was told not a single person in the office had risen to higher levels without one or other helping hands. I do not smell of a gutter but I know I stink of gutter.
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