'Sorry' the magic word

To live with guilt however inconspicuous, is difficult to live with. The war that wages between man and himself can be devastating at times. At times when to conclude in a decision is not what the war is for but who wins is just the main thing. Man lives between contradictions. Contradictions between him and the world but when the contradiction is between him and himself its not easy. Its not calm its utter restless.
Intentions may not be intended, meanings may not have been meant, effects may not considered and counter-effects may not have been reciprocated but they leave one in vibrations of unwanted monologues. Then there is time, its intention is not to heal one’s wound but then as it passes wounds get nursed. This is just like profiting the producers when I pay for the meal after satiating my hunger. My intentions are never to profit the producers, restaurateurs, hoteliers etc.
Then there are some wounds that are chronic. The effects of events are chronic. Apart from head nagging introspects they spoil sleep, they spoil interest, ‘I should not have done that’ kind of thoughts reverberates for a long time. This is guilt. Many times even after realizing we did a mistake may be without intention or may be without expecting the effect it left we fail to acknowledge the mistake before the victim. We all have them in our memories. Usually the fight is between the ego and rationality, ego and reasons, arrogance and humility. Realization of the mistake, of the pain we have inflicted upon others leaves many of us with a feel of guilt for a long time, in times like these one who inflicts these pain are the one who suffer more than the assumed victims. Also there are many of us who let it go because we hunt down the reasons for why we should not worry and why this is just a trivial thing. Or may be we reason ‘even he/she had done something similar last time’. May be its just the level of conscience that lead us to be burdened with self-imposed guilt or with just letting it pass by even after acknowledging that it had the other party unintentionally effected, battered etc.
Is it alright to reason oneself by saying ‘I didn’t mean that, so why should I feel sorry’ and forget the matter? Or is it better to share that pain and eventually say sorry though what we did or said had effects we didn’t anticipated. I would go for the latter though it may not always be what I practice.
‘Sorry’ is such a simple word, simple syllable and simple phonetics yet saying sorry is one of the most difficult things. Feeling sorry for someone and acknowledging the feel before that person in words is really tough. In human behavior and his instincts two things are in contradictory terms most of the time, its ego and compassion. Ego and self-respect are two different things. Ego leads one to take things for granted for example his/her importance, level and greatness. Self-respect encourages one to expect genuine consideration for oneself. It makes him conscious about his rights and what he deserves. It makes him believe in his integrity.
Ego bars one from seeking help in the most needful of situation, restricts one from acknowledging ones mistake and leads to assumption of unreasonable superiority. We often follow our ego which leads us with questions like ‘why should I’, ‘he works under me and he is inferior’. The toll of our ego is usually the loss of self-respect and humiliation of the other party. We accept to live in agony with guilt, we are ready to waste our sleep but we do not want to utter a simple word ‘sorry’.
Most of the times sorry is just a sheer formality with no feeling. It leaves one with more anguish than peace. Many times we have reasons to abscond from saying sorry. These reasons are not from the womb of ego but from rationality. The world is not always just. We surrender before the influence of power and money but these are not the cases I am considering.
Because we are more under the control of ego, we tend to believe saying sorry diminishes our superiority, it insults us. But when the anguish of guilt is high, sorry is the magic word. It flushes out all the regrets and surprisingly heightens ones self respect. It benefits both the parties the one who offers the word and one to whom the word is offered. It makes the world lot brighter, brings a peaceful sleep, calm mind and elated self-respect. Sorry is simply the magic word.