Krishna

As I sit here the news channels are flashing the breaking news gained from some of their reliable sources that no clear majority has been achieved for presidential nominee while the vice-president has been elected. Politics these days has been shameful battle for power and the interest of the entire nation is being blotted. But I have not sit with this subject of politics, I will deal with it some time later.
Forgetting today is Saturday, I asked the conductor of the micro-bus twice if it really goes to Chabahil after seeing empty seats which I haven’t been able to see for more than a month now. Securing a seat in public vehicle is a feat not lesser than winning some kind of battle. I sat behind a foreigner clad in the dhoti and kurta. A suspicious looking woman sat by his side. He had two other friends one a foreigner himself and a Nepali old man in late sixties. I guessed they are from Krishna consciousness group. When someone mentions the name Krishna consciousness I remember Americans after feeling betrayed by their government over Vietnam wars, who wandered around the world as hippies. I was born in post hippy era but I can still see their black and white images (courtesy from the movie Hare Ram Hare Krishna) singing and relishing in the hashish trying to create mystic heaven inside the clouds of smoke. Without any reasons, these two people appeared to me like the leftover of that hippy culture. I myself cannot find the link with which I associate these people from Krishna consciousness with the hippies. They dress differently; there have been no records of them engaging in drug abuse. Yes they sing and dance as if they are detached from the world, the dance itself has intoxicating effect. Their ‘conscious’ community forgets the world.
These two people looked gentle despite their large bodies. One carried a dholak and a bag containing some other musical instruments. May be they have the holy gig somewhere in the evening. I soon question myself what brought them to Krishna. What in Krishna attracted them? People and religious group who associate themselves with Krishna sing and dance more. The dance is meditative in nature, the dancers seem to be tipsy, they seem to be lost in mystic pleasure. There is a very popular and revered seer who is supposed to be one of the greatest living devotee of lord Krishna. People believe he is the direct ambassador of the lord to help the people experience the real pleasure. They show his preaching every morning in the mythological channel, he has a huge community base here in Kathmandu. I had watched him few times in TV. He between his preaching gets into singing and dancing. I find all this so humorous. Man has problem with the same world in which he lives, he tries to convince himself that the nature is illusion.
The world is really a mess and more one tries to undo the knots the more he dips into the mess. The showcase of so called real pleasure takes them in, they are frustrated in one or another ways and finally they want to be indifferent. I do not write this just for the sake of writing, I have gone through this experience. When I had the first bouts of depression, I was repulsive to everything in the world, slowly I was beginning to think, I should seek energy and blessings from beings beyond my imagination and logic. I sometime felt like running away from home to join these seers in their hermitage, free myself from the shackles of this cruel world.
During my growing years, I had more doubts on the epic Mahabharat than the holy regards. I was always unable to find how truth prevailed in Mahabharat. How come we hold Krishna to be a god when he has taught the Pandavas to lie and betray? Mahabharat to me has always been corrupt than our current politics. Krishna never inspired me. Our religion has only contradiction they claim to teach us non-violence from stories where brothers kill brothers for a piece of earth. Holiness is attributed to woman who sleeps with five brothers.
I had reservations about Gita its most popular term where Krishna tells Arjun to do his Karma and never expect return. To me without expectation of return one can never do Karma. It ask us to do things in this life to make another life easy. There is the mention of 84 lakhs rebirth for an individual which I have never found convincing. May be I had misunderstood the holy Gita, I brought a book called ‘Bhagwat Gita As it is’ written by some Swami Pravupada. It was supposedly the most celebrated book on Gita. I read the thick book line by line, rather than understanding one particular question I was entangled in so many questions. I re-read the book few years later but to no avail. I just cannot blindly believe what somebody tells me.
Seeing these two gentlemen, I thought; I have been raised in Hindu culture, I know Mahabharat, I have read Gita, our family practices all rituals still I have not been convinced by Mahabharat, by Gita and the grandeur of Krishna what could have brought these men total alien to our culture to all these things. Though the most liberal religion the practitioners are the filthy hypocrites. They preach their followers to stay away from sex and they themselves create scandals in their hermitage.
I for a long time kept my questions buried inside me, my reservations about victory of truth in Mahabharat remained locked deep inside my heart. It would be considered utter blasphemy. Then a show started in some Hindi Channel which presented Mahabharat from a different perspective, perspective that matched what I thought. It was directed by Dr. Chandra Prakash Dwivedi of Chanakya fame. I was so happy to find someone of that stature takes the story in the same spirit. Then after I started becoming vocal about what I thought. We indulge into hot debate at our home. I have found most people believe in the story in the face value. Its like children believing their teachers on whatever they say.
May be someday I will understand the Gita or may be many people will come out with questions like mine.