Happiness or money; a dilemma

I stepped out of office a little late than usual, not because I had work but just like that as if I wanted to see how it feels to stay a little late, when the rooms are empty, the counters silent, machines in sleep. I wore a T-shirt inside my shirt for no obvious reason and walking on the street I realized that it was a wrong decision. After shining throughout the day in its full glory the sun seemed reluctant to take a leave. The road as busy as always, and the dogs that slept in the pavement were no where to be seen as if they made room for people. The street children busy nagging people especially girls for alms.
On the other side of the road a boy was kicking a pebble; his hands inside the pockets of his rugged jeans. I thought he looked cool; what I liked however is his indifference to rest of the world. I came across a pebble as well and wanted to imitate him but thinking I might hit somebody I dropped the idea. Suddenly I realized the in spite of footpaths that run along same road but just on opposite side, my side hosted a huge crowd while the other side looked drowsy with few people strolling on it. My side would give an impression of some kind of public demonstration while the other side gave the hint of placidity. I found that funny and may be I gave a cynical smile as well.
Soon I found myself on the other side of the road, just before the door of a book shop. I crept into the book shop and the smell of the book liberated my soul when I left the shop my bag was heavier; I had bought three books. My mood was all of a sudden elated with the weight of the books.
Before me, a couple was walking who were talking about their young niece. From their talk I could know that there niece had gone abroad and missed home bitterly. That reminded me of my cousin who is in Australia and who I called this morning. Her ‘hello’ had sounded clumsy but when she heard me saying ‘Didi’ (sister) she was exhilarated. We do have warm relation still there have been never any occasion I had pleased her just by calling. I remembered her thanking me three times and I had phoned her casually, just to inquire how she was. I could read her excitement throughout the conversation. She talked to me without any punctuation inquiring about family; people we both know and about recent festivals, how we planned to celebrate the upcoming festivals etc. It was clear she missed home; I also know eventually she would adapt her new environment albeit she will have regrets for being on another country far away from her people. Just today I had commented on a blog where the writer said people held her as a traitor just because she chose to live her life in another country. I had told her how wrong the people were in her case because according to her she was doing better outside her country. In many other cases like in the case of my cousin; they are only tempted by higher payment abroad. Just for the sake of money they leave behind a good job, reputation to fly into another country where they have no identity and are doing jobs they didn’t even do at their home.
One of my colleagues who had a good job and a reputed life here in Nepal went to US where he is working at a restaurant cleaning dishes and doing other things. He was an executive in a government office here. He said he earns more than in Nepal but cannot enjoy what he earns, even his wife earns and because they work in different shifts they get to talk only in the weekend; even that if they do not have another engagement on the weekend. He has justification and has forced himself to believe whatever he did was the right move. He says his children are getting better education and their needs are being met. Many of my friends who went abroad for further studies are hanging there even after finishing their studies. Looking for opportunities is never a fault and one should grab it when it comes where it comes. But, completing a Master’s degree just to scrub floor, wash dish is something that is not justifiable. Had they been only a clerk in office that fitted their qualification would have been good. If they are enjoying whatever they are doing and content with it then its fine but if they are ignoring reputable jobs (though salary much much lesser than that of a janitor still enough to maintain reputable life ) in their own land, better to return home. Some people say its their struggle; what if the struggle has no prospect; even after struggling he/she will always remain in the similar job. Unfortunately many of them live illegally amid uncertainties.
My cousin sounded happier than last time, but she missed sitting in her cabin of her office assigning responsibilities to other being addressed with respect. Where ever a tree might move with its creepers it will always be fed from the place where it is rooted. Money is the most important thing; it’s the almighty but man yearns for other things as well. I do not say that just because one misses home and his/her people he/she should leave behind everything and return; I just want to say killing oneself just for money (and it gives no happiness) is not justified; at least not justified to me.

Money matters

I remember my college days when with 500 Rs pocket money I still managed to save a few for events not in routine. Just three years passed since then and here I struggle to strike a balance between the money and my expenses for this month. My purse is filled with money many times more than the money I used to have in my college days. No doubt I am spending more and that can be justified with the simple fact that I am not a student but an employee. My requirements have only increased. I have to get card for my cell phone, I have to get a new shirt, trouser or shoes every next month, I have to carry stuffs to home because I am earning son, I have to have lunch in expensive place as Thamel, the bus fare has only risen and I have to move between my office and central office quite often. I only spend Rs 500 for my medicine. These are just few names that do not include the expenses for small things like deodorant, socks, handkerchiefs and small tips I give to Sarita occasionally. Usually we tend to miss the small expenses when we consider our budget though that may only be like buying a candy and they hit our budget hard. Among our daily expenses, there are numerous small expenditures that do not even reach a two figure digit individually. Then the other point that always make my budget look miscalculated are the coins. These coins of one and two are neglected as if they are valueless. I tend to give them to beggars, kids and just buy something for Sane and there I spend quite some amount. When the bus conductor returns me coin I put them in a small dump pocket of my purse and I spend them like nuts. My budget lags behind. Sometime I even have to escape lunches to avoid bankruptcy for the given month. Few months back after seeing a tourist giving a five rupee note to a beggar I mused how much they will earn. During the winter when tourists flock the Thamel area I think their income leaves mine far behind. What a pity? Though with an undergraduate degree in hand and working in so called richest organization in the country, I earn less than a beggar. If the beggar is smart enough and is aware of family planning and thus have a small family he can even save some money which is something I can’t even think of doing. Life’s been really difficult.
To add more to the woes, the fuel prices have soared and that calls for a counter reaction when price of everything will skyrocket. The bus fare has been hiked by Rs. 2 and that means Rs. 4 more everyday and Rs. 120 a month. The prices of food will not remain behind and I will have to comply to the manager’s request for 5Rs. more from today if I think of taking lunch in a small stall or restaurant. In my regular lunch spot I won’t be surprised if I am asked 15 Rs. more. The prices of clothes, deodorants will rise in proportion and I will still have the same meager amount of money. I am just a bachelor and thinking about getting married will be a terrible nightmare.
Last evening I was mulling over economic issues and how to cut down my expenses, my cousin gave me a call and asked me to get few CDs and DVDs. Trapped by my own habit I couldn’t do anything but to comply. My purse will feel lighter with Rs 500. Then I remember another cousin of mine who wanted to join the Scout and I had given him the permission. I had to get him the Scout dress, that will make me slip Rs 1000 to him. One of my closest friends is going abroad for further studies and I ought to get him a gift. Unfortunately because of tax miscalculation few months back I will get Rs. 600 less in salary this time. I needed a disprin, my face must have been very dim and my eyes puzzled. Sarita comes in with her casual question ‘What are you doing?’. She reminded me that I had promised to take her and my cousin to theatre this month. What am I supposed to do? I have also promised her to buy her a set of dress but that is for next month when I will get year end allowance. Last month just to sound generous I declared that I will be giving Rs. 500 to mummy apart from the amount I give at home, which she can spend on her own on anything (that can be bought with Rs. 500). Among all these promises I don’t remorse for the last one and for others I should have considered my purse before promising everything to everyone.
I wish I had a part time job and I will have carried out all my petty expenses from its earning. Hope I will get one soon but then I have time to consider. In morning I have training classes, in the day I have office and in the evening I have not more than two hours. I don’t know what to do.