Yes again I saw you in a dream. This time I was telling you how much I loved you and how it was becoming so difficult to live without you in my life. I have no clue how the brain functions, how the memories are layered. I was back in time, I was not married and you were not married. The life I have now didn't exist in that dream. You were indifferent to my plea. There were other people I didn't know as if it was a function. My dream broke and opened my eyes in a dimly lit dawn. My hands grabbed my phone, I looked for you in the internet. You had posted a new photo with your husband. You looked the same, you had a serious smile as they always had been. I scrolled through few pictures and then I came across your family photo, your mum-dad, husband, son, sisters, neices and nephews. I tried to get back to sleep because my conscious mind knew whatever I was doing was meaningless.
But why these dreams? Why do they recur? I don't say I see you in every dream or I see you in dream every day or every week or every month, but yes the dreams recur. Is it some sense of defeat that I have hidded deep inside, is it my male-ego. I don't think of you everyday, I would say I am happy with my family, I love my wife, love my daughter. I want to know the reason I keep seeing you in dream and why that dream creeps into my day, why the sadness lingers.
When I thought we loved each other neither you nor I had confessed anything. We used to have long chats in the phone yet we never talked at school. I would often find you looking at me. May be I was mistaken. But not being with you, perhaps in a way being rejected by you hurt me a lot. The roots of my restlessness, fear of losing is loss of you.
Whatever it is, I wish I had confessed, I wish I had told you. May be the dreams would stop then, may be I will be at peace. Sometime when I wander in the area of mystic, I think if spirit really existed, I would linger around just because a desire of mine to confess remained even after I died.
Yes I could confess you by sending you email, in case you use the same email-id or message you in social media, but no I have to tell you in person. Few days back I was determined and perhaps would have told you by any chance if we could talk, but I am not sure these days.
I am happy with what I have, I don't want you, I don't love you now but I want to tell you once I did, I did with all my heart. I suffered for years when our communications started to wane.
But why these dreams? Why do they recur? I don't say I see you in every dream or I see you in dream every day or every week or every month, but yes the dreams recur. Is it some sense of defeat that I have hidded deep inside, is it my male-ego. I don't think of you everyday, I would say I am happy with my family, I love my wife, love my daughter. I want to know the reason I keep seeing you in dream and why that dream creeps into my day, why the sadness lingers.
When I thought we loved each other neither you nor I had confessed anything. We used to have long chats in the phone yet we never talked at school. I would often find you looking at me. May be I was mistaken. But not being with you, perhaps in a way being rejected by you hurt me a lot. The roots of my restlessness, fear of losing is loss of you.
Whatever it is, I wish I had confessed, I wish I had told you. May be the dreams would stop then, may be I will be at peace. Sometime when I wander in the area of mystic, I think if spirit really existed, I would linger around just because a desire of mine to confess remained even after I died.
Yes I could confess you by sending you email, in case you use the same email-id or message you in social media, but no I have to tell you in person. Few days back I was determined and perhaps would have told you by any chance if we could talk, but I am not sure these days.
I am happy with what I have, I don't want you, I don't love you now but I want to tell you once I did, I did with all my heart. I suffered for years when our communications started to wane.
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