I have been very passive lately specially the last month. Apart from busy office, I did nothing that made me feel good or nothing creative. Though I am not much clear about what creativity is, I don’t know if its just pristine piece of work, or something that effects not only the creator but others as well. There were so many deadlines to be met last week that required my neck-deep involvement in office choirs. There were many meetings, presentations, participations and visits. There were new ideas coming in, new requirements coming in and they barred my brain from thinking anything else. I won’t however say there were no moments that provoked my thought, that made me feel I was before my computer, in my secluded room to knit words for my feelings. Luckily health hasn’t been quite a problem but I never know if next moment will have surprises for me.
A cunning loneliness is there and I can guess this can be requirement of new friend in life, but somewhere something is not prepared. Confusion is still there that my health has created. I hadn’t have bad health but this doesn’t mean I have been in hundred percent. Its just fine. This word ‘fine’ has become so meaningful to me and I want to replace it with ‘great’. I hadn’t realized this but once while on phone a friend of mine asked about me and I said I’m fine. It used it just because it came to me and this is the word we get to hear when we inquire about somebody. How are you? Most likely the answer would be ‘fine’. This is not a deliberate attempt just a casual term. But many times I have felt so irritated after using this term ‘fine’ and have given a sly smile over the helplessness with no one around to reach. That particular day, the term fine had become so meaningful and I know its meaning.
I wish I had some other reasons to remain single but I hate to have the reason that I have. In these ‘fine’ days hopes smile at me. The expression of the smile is so hazy that I cannot ascertain if its genuine or its deceitful. These ‘fine’ days has been frequent visitors but not a permanent resident. These ‘fine’ days have come and they have left me and revisited me.
I haven’t read a book for quite a time and in fact left a book in middle to start a new one which again I have not been able to proceed after around nine days. Its surprises me on myself. Once started I have never left any book incomplete and there are two. Once reason could be the fact that I am reading them on computer but I have read many books in computer so they should not have been a big deal. I had started ‘Satanic Verses’ by Salman Rushdie but left it in the middle. To be true I had picked this book because of the hype and controversy that surrounds it. After reading more than 100 pages I found nothing much interesting and controversial. Another book pulled me with its title ‘Love in the time of cholera’. So far it was a nice book but I haven’t read it for almost fifteen days. I am not proud of it and I know I will finish these books.
With this paragraph my position has also changed, earlier I had this laptop on my lap now I am lying on my protruding belly to jot few words and by the time I finish this sentence I might resettle myself. There’s been no new things except that I am regularly reading blogs of India’s one of the biggest actor Mr. Amitabh Bacchhan. I read all his entries religiously and if time allows or if I am not bored do peep many comments posted by the visitors. It however does not mean I am a fan of his, I have always liked the way he spoke and gave his speech. When I found his blog site I read one and I just liked the way he writes. Underneath my attempt could be to understand a celebrity larger than life. Someone who people have idolized.
I don’t know during which line in the above paragraph I placed myself on the floor of my room. A monotonous sound of motor is coming from the neighborhood along with the sound of scrubbing clothes. The day started with a heavy rain and I hope it quenched the thirst of the trees, shrubs and plants in this departing spring. The rain hinted to the cooler day, alas it was hot. The sun spared us soon and it developed into an easier day.
I had visited my room earlier in the day to sit before this machine to weave few words but in vain. The second attempt was almost unintentional. I had come to my room to take a nap but I just started my laptop and soon I had completed a paragraph. We were invited to a breakfast by my father’s uncle and aunt and I was there at 10:15 and I realized I effortlessly got myself into the social tête-à-tête. It was ‘fine’ this day as well. Thanks god.
A cunning loneliness is there and I can guess this can be requirement of new friend in life, but somewhere something is not prepared. Confusion is still there that my health has created. I hadn’t have bad health but this doesn’t mean I have been in hundred percent. Its just fine. This word ‘fine’ has become so meaningful to me and I want to replace it with ‘great’. I hadn’t realized this but once while on phone a friend of mine asked about me and I said I’m fine. It used it just because it came to me and this is the word we get to hear when we inquire about somebody. How are you? Most likely the answer would be ‘fine’. This is not a deliberate attempt just a casual term. But many times I have felt so irritated after using this term ‘fine’ and have given a sly smile over the helplessness with no one around to reach. That particular day, the term fine had become so meaningful and I know its meaning.
I wish I had some other reasons to remain single but I hate to have the reason that I have. In these ‘fine’ days hopes smile at me. The expression of the smile is so hazy that I cannot ascertain if its genuine or its deceitful. These ‘fine’ days has been frequent visitors but not a permanent resident. These ‘fine’ days have come and they have left me and revisited me.
I haven’t read a book for quite a time and in fact left a book in middle to start a new one which again I have not been able to proceed after around nine days. Its surprises me on myself. Once started I have never left any book incomplete and there are two. Once reason could be the fact that I am reading them on computer but I have read many books in computer so they should not have been a big deal. I had started ‘Satanic Verses’ by Salman Rushdie but left it in the middle. To be true I had picked this book because of the hype and controversy that surrounds it. After reading more than 100 pages I found nothing much interesting and controversial. Another book pulled me with its title ‘Love in the time of cholera’. So far it was a nice book but I haven’t read it for almost fifteen days. I am not proud of it and I know I will finish these books.
With this paragraph my position has also changed, earlier I had this laptop on my lap now I am lying on my protruding belly to jot few words and by the time I finish this sentence I might resettle myself. There’s been no new things except that I am regularly reading blogs of India’s one of the biggest actor Mr. Amitabh Bacchhan. I read all his entries religiously and if time allows or if I am not bored do peep many comments posted by the visitors. It however does not mean I am a fan of his, I have always liked the way he spoke and gave his speech. When I found his blog site I read one and I just liked the way he writes. Underneath my attempt could be to understand a celebrity larger than life. Someone who people have idolized.
I don’t know during which line in the above paragraph I placed myself on the floor of my room. A monotonous sound of motor is coming from the neighborhood along with the sound of scrubbing clothes. The day started with a heavy rain and I hope it quenched the thirst of the trees, shrubs and plants in this departing spring. The rain hinted to the cooler day, alas it was hot. The sun spared us soon and it developed into an easier day.
I had visited my room earlier in the day to sit before this machine to weave few words but in vain. The second attempt was almost unintentional. I had come to my room to take a nap but I just started my laptop and soon I had completed a paragraph. We were invited to a breakfast by my father’s uncle and aunt and I was there at 10:15 and I realized I effortlessly got myself into the social tête-à-tête. It was ‘fine’ this day as well. Thanks god.
